I can text with my tongue
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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