I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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