Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
