Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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