My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
