You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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