Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
