He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
