I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
