OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
