I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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