he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
