Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
