my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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