where am i from again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
