whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
