I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
