he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
