Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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