i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Someone came in the potted fern
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
