i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
