The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
