There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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