And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You are the jesus of drinking
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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