I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
