I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo