So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic