Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
worst night to have a conscience
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream