Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule