I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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