you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
