Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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