His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
