These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
