his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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