i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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