You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So. Much. Porn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
