you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
