It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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