I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
