i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize