he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
