i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
