turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
