i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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