Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize