xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
