Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
