I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
