I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
