I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
