can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
