I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
