Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
