Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
