Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this boner is exhausting
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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