We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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