God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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