So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
