I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i out mim tonsoeep
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