She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
