As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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