Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
