we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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