it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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