is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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