Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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