I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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