went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
