Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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