Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
