I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
