can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
