he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
