I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
