You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
