He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
