either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
