great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
