Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still dying that you shit outside
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
