Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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