I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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