I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
