I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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